givemwe all you r cashhs h ple ase yyo (rant/vent)

//edit// also thank you for everyone who said my animations aren't worth what i set them to be, it doesn't even hurt a little bit//

i'm sorry but
rant / vent

okay i'mm just going to shout this out now 
yes go ahead, look it up and bombard me with a shitstorm of hate i dont care p much
a lot of people on youtube commented on the latest video of mine
saying they haven't got any money / my prices are too high

but seriously

just think of it,, certain artists around here want 20-50§ for only one fullbody w/o background
and i give you the chance to get like abt 20 drawings of your character, lovingly put together in an animation that even got quality for a price you could've gotten abt,, 3 1/2 drawings from them 
i dont want to sound like a dense idiot for just having said that but admit it .. it's true in a way

if you all want to know what's happening over here i'll reveal it here and now and i won't care if you believe it or not 

i want/need to save up for moving out to help my mother who might die soon

i need that money because i just don't want to be that bothering snob kid that always asks their mother to give them money
i don't know exactly what she got (hopefully nothing serious like cancer) but she might lose her hearing in less than one month and all she talks about the last few days is how much she wants to die

imagine your own mother telling you how nice it would be to be dead. would you be happy,,,?

every time i ask her if she could give me some money for like,, books for school or food or just those simple, cheap things i need in my everyday life i feel bad as never before
i ddon't want to eat up the money she saved up for later
she might need it for herself pretty soon,, 
my mom spent almost her whole life saving up for my future but i would rather give it all to her if it saves her life

the other issue with the moving out pretty much explains itself too,, 
if i wouldn't live here wt home my mother wouldn't need to spend so much money on food / can save up a little more and i could even help her from "outside", if you know what i mean

i didn't want to reveal this whole thing in the beginning because as i said
i might have had to cry back then
but now, as bad as it may sound, i'm sort of used to it
i just want her to stay
because you know,,
if she dies i'll be completely on my own since i haven't got a proper family 
the only real family i got is her
i have neither a dad nor siblings and only one aunt+uncle+cousin and grandfather left of the family i still keep contact with
but they live too far away 
i can't just say aye i can still go to them if...
and i honestly wouldn't want to


so guys please,, all i want from some of you is just to show a little more respect towards the situation i'm currently in,, i live a pretty hard life outside of deviantart and i cant just easily go to work as some of you told me to do because i spend most of the day in school. the school i'm in is also a really strict and hard school and my only timeout is drawing + animating
doing my hobby at least makes me forget about what a horrible thing i have to deal with for a little time

if you'd really want me to go to work instead of doing what i'm currently doing though(ychs, auctions, adoptables, etc) 

i would have to say goodbye to you all. probably for more than 5 years.

you know, i probably seem like a happy and joyful person around here
but believe me
deep inside i'm a wreck


thank you for reading